My Body is a Wonderland

When I was diagnosed with gastroparesis, my gastroenterologist told me that I may never get better and recommended that I take a medication to help my stomach function.  The first recommendation was an antibiotic with every meal.  I didn’t want to do this, so she then recommended taking Reglan, a medication that hospitalized my maternal grandmother for weeks.  She and I have had parallel reactions to several medications, so I was wary of trying it.  Her last try was a non FDA approved medication that would have to be made a compound pharmacy, and not covered by insurance.  Now, I know the FDA is far from perfect, and that there are a lot of medications that are not approved here but are in Europe, but my fear was what if this drug worked?  I’d then be stuck paying completely out of pocket for who knows how long...and so I declined again.   I told her I read that it could be controlled by diet, and I’d like to try that first.  After this appointment I called the nurse, not sure if I was supposed to make a follow-up appointment.  Apparently, since I refused medications, the doctor didn’t need to see me again.

Am I in Control of My Body?

Compared to many, my chronic health issues are almost embarrassingly in check. I take my meds. I try to keep to a sleep schedule. I’m not regularly in substantial amounts of pain, and in fact have good days where pain isn’t a factor at all. I’m able to hold a well paid full time job with great benefits.  I miss maybe one day a year due to actual chronic illness related concerns. I know, compared to many, I am very, very lucky. 

Dating, Disclosure, and the ‘Me’ness of Being Me

I have a hard time with dating and living with chronic illness, especially when it comes to disclosure. When do I disclose? Does my potential dating partner deserve to know prior to making a commitment? Do I owe disclosure to them? Do I owe it to myself? I end up waffling around, sometimes disclosing prior the first meeting, and sometimes after several weeks of dating. Sometimes I end up having to disclose before I would like, but I find it hard to have a flare and not explain it.

Because these names, these chronic illnesses of mine, they are a part of me. They don’t define me.