How Asthma Changed My Awareness

I spent nearly a decade working for pediatric therapists, and because of this I was always surrounded by children.  Not once did I ever get the flu!  Ear infections?  Sure.  Strep?  Of course.  But I've always been big on getting my annual vaccine, and I chalked my "flu free zone" to just that: vaccines rock.

I've been in my new corporate job for just under two years.  Since I've been here I've had an ear infection, bronchitis, and the flu, twice!  Turns out adults are just as yucky as kids!

About a year into my new position I was diagnosed with asthma.  This was a whole new ballgame for me: if there's one thing that's always worked well, it's my lungs.  Well, I usually get an upper respiratory infection a year, but breathing, in general, always worked.  I may have a decent assortment of diagnoses (fibromyalgia, gastroparesis, interstitial cystitis) but hey, breathing?  This has been completely off my radar until asthma came along.

The 18 Thoughts for 18 Years of Living with Chronic Illiness/Pain

When you live with chronic illness and/or chronic pain, you learn a lot about yourself and your body.  You learn about the limits of humanity, of your own finances, and your emotional limits.  You learn about the difference between thrive and survive.  This isn't a finite list, and I'm sure I could come with way more than 18 lessons, but here are the ones that stuck out to me the most in the moment:

1. I'm really in tune with my body.  I can tell when I'm about to have a flare hours or days before it starts. With just one bite I can tell that a particular food will upset my gastroparesis.  I just know.
2. I have no idea what my body is up to.  My body does things without consulting me or giving me decent notice.  Flares start with no reason or indication.  Is that an interstitial cystitis flare or a UTI?  Why did I not sleep?  Why did that food upset my GP?  Friends and family ask, why?  Absolutely no idea.  Because it's Tuesday.  Because Mars is in retrograde. 

The Start of a Fibromyalgia Flare

Flare is such an apt name for it, as it seems to start small and comes out of nowhere, but grows shockingly and becomes all consuming.  In many ways, it consumes me.

The Importance of Self Care

I think we all have our own self care rituals.  Those things that settle our minds, bring us peace, or make us laugh.  They're individual and unique and not one of us will have the exact same list, but here's mine:

1. A cup of tea and a good book.  I can get completely absorbed in a book and tune out the world, especially a good bit of fiction where I can become immersed in another character's life.
2. Massages.  This was a big addition in 2016.  I got hooked by doing a three massage Groupon and the company offers membership discounts, and while it's not cheap, it's worth every penny.  It took a few tries to find my perfect match, but I found a wonderful massage therapist who is also a PTA, and my monthly hour with her is one of the best hours each month. 

On Finding Your Person

In Grey's Anatomy, Meredith and Christina call each other "my person."  My person gives me context, affirmation, and a sense of sisterhood.   I was lucky enough to find her in college.

My person is my best friend.  We don't talk every day, and frankly weeks and weeks can go by where we don't talk.  Some weeks go by and all we've done is send one another memes. 

But my person gets it the way others don't.  She has her own myriad of chronic illnesses.  We know what it means when the other person says "I'm having a day."  

Am I in Control of My Body?

Compared to many, my chronic health issues are almost embarrassingly in check. I take my meds. I try to keep to a sleep schedule. I’m not regularly in substantial amounts of pain, and in fact have good days where pain isn’t a factor at all. I’m able to hold a well paid full time job with great benefits.  I miss maybe one day a year due to actual chronic illness related concerns. I know, compared to many, I am very, very lucky. 

Dating, Disclosure, and the ‘Me’ness of Being Me

I have a hard time with dating and living with chronic illness, especially when it comes to disclosure. When do I disclose? Does my potential dating partner deserve to know prior to making a commitment? Do I owe disclosure to them? Do I owe it to myself? I end up waffling around, sometimes disclosing prior the first meeting, and sometimes after several weeks of dating. Sometimes I end up having to disclose before I would like, but I find it hard to have a flare and not explain it.

Because these names, these chronic illnesses of mine, they are a part of me. They don’t define me.